7 Reasons Why The ‘Some People Just Want It All’ Mentality Is A Trap (And How To Escape It)

The phrase "Some people just want it all" is often uttered with a sigh, a judgment, or a touch of envy, but in the current cultural landscape of late 2025, it has evolved from a simple observation into a crushing societal pressure. It’s the shorthand for the modern-day "have it all" myth—the relentless, often unspoken expectation that one must simultaneously excel in a demanding career, maintain a perfect family life, have a thriving social circle, pursue exotic hobbies, and look effortlessly good while doing it. This article explores the deep-seated psychology behind this constant state of wanting, why this quest is inherently flawed, and how to redefine success in a way that actually leads to fulfillment.

Far from being a sign of simple greed, the pursuit of "having it all" is a complex phenomenon fueled by consumerist culture, the illusion of perfection presented on social media, and an internal belief that anything less constitutes failure. The truth, as many are discovering in 2025, is that this relentless chase often leads to a state of chronic burnout, guilt, and deep dissatisfaction. The goal is not to stop striving, but to stop wanting *everything* and instead focus on what truly matters.

The Modern Psychology Behind The ‘Wanting It All’ Trap

The concept of "having it all" was notably popularized in the 1980s by figures like Helen Gurley Brown, then-editor of US Cosmopolitan magazine, primarily aimed at women seeking both a successful career and family life. However, as journalist Jennifer Szalai and others have deconstructed, this ideal was often a misrepresentation and has since been debunked as a myth.

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Today, the pressure has expanded to all genders and all facets of life, driven by several powerful psychological and cultural forces:

• The Hedonic Treadmill: This psychological concept explains that as people obtain more wealth, possessions, or achievements, their expectations and desires rise in tandem, resulting in no permanent gain in happiness. The goalposts constantly move, making true satisfaction impossible.
• Consumerist Culture: Modern society is structured to encourage constant wanting. From the moment we turn on the TV or browse the internet, we are bombarded with messages that tie happiness and success to acquiring more—more things, more experiences, more status. This creates a diffuse, chronic state of "wanting" that is hard to switch off.
• Social Media Perfection: Platforms like Instagram and TikTok create an illusion of perfection, showcasing curated highlights of others’ lives—the successful entrepreneur, the world-traveling parent, the perfectly fit fitness guru. This constant exposure to a flawless, unattainable standard fuels internalized expectations and a perpetual sense of inadequacy, leading to a fear of missing out (FOMO).
• The Dopamine Loop: Neuroscientific observations suggest that certain forms of brain mesolimbic activation—the reward system—may cause a strong, generalized "wanting" or craving. This system is easily hijacked by the instant gratification loops of modern technology and consumption, reinforcing the desire for "more and more."

When someone is criticized for "just wanting it all," they are often caught in this cycle—not necessarily acting out of malicious greed, but out of a deep-seated, culturally-reinforced anxiety that they must maximize every potential opportunity in life.

3 Core Reasons Why The ‘Have It All’ Myth Guarantees Burnout

The fundamental flaw in the "wanting it all" philosophy is that it ignores the finite nature of time, energy, and resources. Trying to achieve excellence in every domain simultaneously is a recipe for exhaustion and poor performance across the board.

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1. The Zero-Sum Game of Time and Energy

Time is a non-renewable resource. Every hour spent excelling at a high-powered job is an hour not spent with family, pursuing a hobby, or simply resting. The myth suggests that with enough "hustle culture" dedication, you can somehow manufacture more hours in the day. In reality, the pursuit of maximum achievement in all areas leads to constant trade-offs, often resulting in a state of constant guilt and feeling like a failure in one area or another. TV host Charlene White has publicly urged women to stop striving for work-life balance precisely to avoid this state of constant guilt.

2. The Illusion of Work-Life Balance

In 2025, many experts argue that "work-life balance" itself is a lie or, at best, a misleading concept. Instead of a perfect 50/50 split, life is a constant, messy oscillation. Trying to "balance" two opposing forces (a demanding career and a fulfilling personal life) suggests that they are always in conflict. The pressure to achieve this perfect balance is a significant source of modern stress. A 2024 Kickresume survey indicated that a significant number of Americans are working 41 to 50 hours a week, highlighting the reality that the balance is often skewed toward work.

3. The Erosion of Personal Autonomy

When you are trying to "have it all," you are often living by someone else's definition of success—the definition dictated by societal norms, your employer, or your social feed. This external pressure erodes personal autonomy and flexibility. True fulfillment, conversely, comes from defining your own success. Many professionals are now diversifying their income streams, taking on side hustles, or launching small businesses to regain control over their time and career trajectory, prioritizing autonomy over the traditional "all-encompassing" success model.

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7 Practical Ways To Redefine Success and Find Real Fulfillment

Escaping the trap of "wanting it all" requires a fundamental shift in perspective, moving from a mindset of accumulation to one of intentionality and gratitude. This is the path to achieving a life that is truly rich, not just full.

1. Define Your "Enough": Instead of striving for unlimited success, set clear, measurable goals for when you will feel "enough" in your career, finances, and personal life. This counters the hedonic treadmill by planting a fixed goalpost.
2. Practice Intentional Trade-offs: Acknowledge that life requires trade-offs. Instead of feeling guilty about what you are *not* doing, be proud of the choices you *are* making. If you choose to prioritize a major career launch, consciously dial back on social commitments for a season, and vice versa.
3. Embrace "Work-Life Integration": Forget "balance." Instead, look for ways to integrate the different parts of your life so they complement, rather than conflict with, each other. This might involve flexible working hours or prioritizing proximity to family.
4. Implement Digital Detoxes: Reduce exposure to the curated perfection of social media. Limiting the input of external "success stories" is crucial for managing internalized expectations and FOMO.
5. Focus on Mastery, Not Multiplicity: Choose one or two key areas—a core professional skill, a primary relationship, a single hobby—and strive for mastery or deep engagement there, rather than mediocre participation in ten different things.
6. Cultivate Gratitude: The psychological reason behind constant wanting is a lack of satisfaction. Actively practicing gratitude for what you already have—a simple, powerful positive psychology technique—can short-circuit the desire for more.
7. Prioritize Autonomy: Structure your life to maximize control over your time and decisions. This is often more valuable for long-term happiness than simply maximizing income or status. This might mean saying "no" to opportunities that compromise your flexibility.

The truth is, some people just want it all because our culture has convinced them they *should* have it all. By rejecting this outdated myth and focusing on intentionality, autonomy, and deep fulfillment in chosen areas, you can achieve a life that is genuinely successful—a life that is yours, and yours alone.