7 Ways Flattery Is The Best Form Of... (And Why Sincere Praise Always Wins)

The phrase "flattery is the best form of" immediately conjures up the famous, yet often incomplete, adage. For centuries, the common wisdom has been that "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." This classic quote, often misattributed to Oscar Wilde but first recorded by Charles Caleb Colton in 1820, suggests that copying someone’s work or style is the ultimate compliment. Yet, in the complex social and corporate dynamics of today, December 17, 2025, that definition feels shallow and outdated. Modern psychology and business strategy reveal that the *best* form of flattery is not imitation, but something far more potent, strategic, and often, manipulative.

The true power of flattery lies in its ability to act as a social lubricant, a motivational tool, and a strategic weapon. The critical distinction is the fine line between genuine praise and self-serving ingratiation. Understanding this line is key to mastering your social and professional environment, and determining what flattery is *truly* the best form of in the 21st century.

The Classic Definition: Flattery as a Form of Imitation and Admiration

Before diving into the modern context, it is crucial to understand the foundation of the saying. The original, full quote by Charles Caleb Colton reads: "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness." This definition frames flattery not as a direct compliment, but as an *action*—the act of a lesser talent (mediocrity) acknowledging a superior one (greatness) by emulation.

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• Imitation: This entity suggests a tacit acknowledgment of superiority. When a competitor copies your product or a mentee adopts your working style, they are signaling that your method is the gold standard.
• Sincerity: The word "sincerest" implies that the act of copying is a more honest form of admiration than simple verbal praise, which can be easily faked.
• Mediocrity vs. Greatness: The quote’s darker undertone suggests that only those who are "mediocre" resort to imitation, while the "great" continue to innovate.

However, this classic view is limited. Today, we need to analyze flattery—the verbal or behavioral act of excessive praise—for its actual psychological and strategic purpose, which often goes beyond mere admiration.

The Psychological Divide: Genuine Praise vs. Strategic Flattery

In the field of social psychology and neuroscience, a clear distinction exists between flattery and genuine praise, and this difference determines what the "best form" of the behavior is.

Flattery is the Best Form of... Manipulation

In its most cynical and strategic form, flattery is a tool of social engineering. It is positive, but often unreliable, feedback designed to achieve a personal goal.

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• Ingratiation: This is the technical term for using flattery to influence a target person (like a boss or a client) to like you more, thereby increasing the chances of gaining favors, promotions, or sales.
• Lowering Defenses: Flattery works by boosting the recipient's self-esteem, making them more receptive to the flatterer's requests. It buys influence by temporarily lowering defenses.
• Corporate Dynamics: Research suggests that corporate leaders who use subtle forms of flattery are more likely to win board appointments at other firms. This demonstrates that strategic flattery is a highly effective, albeit ethically ambiguous, career tool.

When flattery is used with a clear, self-serving agenda, it is undeniably the best form of manipulation. The recipient enjoys the positive feeling, even if they suspect the insincerity, which makes the tactic powerfully persuasive.

Genuine Praise is the Best Form of... Motivation and Connection

The "best form" of the behavior, however, is not flattery at all, but its sincere cousin: genuine, specific praise. This is where the positive social reward truly benefits the recipient and strengthens the relationship.

• Specific Compliments: The most effective form of positive feedback is specific. Instead of saying, "You're great," a sincere compliment would be, "The way you structured the Q3 report was exceptionally clear and saved us hours of analysis."
• Focus on Effort/Process: Genuine praise focuses on the effort, strategy, or process, not just the innate talent or final outcome. This makes the recipient feel that their hard work is acknowledged, making it a stronger motivational tool.
• Social Reward: Sincere praise activates reward-related areas in the brain, functioning as a powerful social reward that reinforces positive behavior and encourages future performance.
• Ethical Flattery: When positive words are used to instill generosity, intelligence, or wisdom in others—rather than for personal gain—it transitions from manipulation to ethical encouragement. It becomes a tool for positive change.
• Relationship Building: In personal and professional relationships, sincere compliments are intended to benefit the recipient, creating a positive impact and fostering genuine connection, unlike shallow flattery which can feel insincere or excessive.

7 Modern Interpretations: What Flattery Is Truly the Best Form Of

Moving past the historical context of imitation, here are seven modern, context-specific answers to the question of what flattery—or its sincere equivalent, praise—is the best form of:

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1. The Best Form of Professional Development: Specific, Actionable Praise. Linking a compliment to a concrete action (e.g., "Your negotiation skills were masterful") encourages the repetition of that high-value behavior.
2. The Best Form of Social Lubricant: Subtle Ingratiation. In a new social setting, a carefully placed, non-excessive compliment can quickly establish rapport and make you seem agreeable.
3. The Best Form of Team Encouragement: Public Acknowledgment. Praising a co-worker's contribution in a public forum (like a team meeting) boosts their self-esteem and signals to others the value of their work.
4. The Best Form of Corporate Climbing: Strategic Alignment. Flattering a superior by praising their vision or decision-making style—thereby aligning yourself with their success—is a powerful career strategy.
5. The Best Form of Personal Connection: Deep, Character-Based Compliments. A compliment about someone's kindness, resilience, or integrity (not just their appearance or possessions) fosters a deeper, more meaningful bond.
6. The Best Form of Salesmanship: Customer Ego Boost. In customer service, a compliment about the customer's choice, taste, or even their location can boost their ego and make the transaction smoother.
7. The Best Form of Self-Correction: The Reverse Flatter. Acknowledging that someone else's work is superior and genuinely asking them for advice is a humble form of flattery that opens the door to learning and self-improvement.

In conclusion, while the famous quote suggests that "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery," the modern psychological and business reality is far more nuanced. Flattery, in the traditional sense, is the best form of manipulation. However, its ethical twin, sincere and specific praise, is the best form of motivation, connection, and encouragement. The power is not in the words themselves, but in the sincerity and the intent behind them.