We Quilt This City: The Full, Unforgettable Lyrics From Quilted Northern's Latest Commercials

The Quilted Northern commercials have always been a masterclass in advertising a mundane product with unexpected humor and catchy tunes. As of late 2024 and heading into 2025, the brand has launched its newest campaign, *Keep It Quilted®*, featuring a sensational, earworm parody that is currently dominating airwaves: "We Quilt This City." This article breaks down the full, fresh lyrics of the newest jingle and revisits the iconic, unforgettable dialogue from their most famous campaign, *Designed to be Forgotten*, ensuring you have the complete script for every memorable bathroom-related tune and quote. Quilted Northern, a brand owned by Georgia-Pacific LLC, has consistently used humor and a touch of the absurd to stand out in the competitive bath tissue market. Their advertising history is a testament to the power of a memorable slogan, moving from the literal to the philosophical, and now, to the musical. The current campaign, created by the agency Orchard Creative, is a bold move back into the world of catchy, parody-based jingles, cementing the brand's reputation for highly effective and entertaining advertising.

The Latest Jingle: Full Lyrics for "We Quilt This City" (2024/2025)

The newest and most talked-about Quilted Northern commercial is a brilliant, high-energy parody of the 1985 Starship hit, "We Built This City." Reimagined as "We Quilt This City," the jingle is the centerpiece of the *Keep It Quilted®* campaign, featuring the so-called "Quilted Queens" who are "here to change your toilet-paper game." The campaign focuses on the product's comfort and quality, directly challenging the notion that all toilet paper is the same. The song’s success lies in its ability to take a well-known, epic rock anthem and apply it to an everyday household item, creating an instant, memorable connection. The full lyrics, pieced together from the latest 60-second spots, are as follows:

Quilted Northern – "We Quilt This City" Parody Lyrics:

• (Parody of Starship's "We Built This City")
• We Quilt This City on a comfy roll.
• Say it doesn't matter, say it's all the same,
• But we are here to change your toilet paper game.
• Quilted Northern's comfy and comfort is your right,
• Every day and every single night.
• We Quilt This City on a comfy roll.
• (Spoken/Voiceover Tag): The Quilted Comfort of Quilted Northern. Keep it quilted with Quilted Northern.

This jingle, developed by the creative team at Orchard Creative, aims to make the brand synonymous with superior comfort and quality, using the infectious energy of the original song to deliver a simple, powerful message: choose the better roll.

The Unforgettable Dialogue from "Designed to be Forgotten"

Before the *Keep It Quilted* campaign, Quilted Northern achieved viral success and topical authority with their philosophical and darkly humorous campaign, "Designed to be Forgotten." Launched in the mid-2010s by the advertising agency Droga5, this campaign’s genius was its focus on objects *left behind* in the bathroom—items that witness everything but are never forgotten. The "lyrics" of this campaign are not sung, but are the poignant, often hilarious, spoken-word dialogue from the voiceover, which became instantly iconic. The core concept is that Quilted Northern works so well, you forget your bathroom experience. But the inanimate objects in the room? They never forget. This campaign introduced several memorable entities that are now part of advertising history:

1. Conductor Randy: The All-Seeing Toy

Conductor Randy, a small toy train conductor figurine, is often found under a radiator, forgotten by the child who left him there. His dialogue perfectly encapsulated the campaign’s theme of silent, eternal witness.

Iconic 'Conductor Randy' Dialogue:

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• Voiceover: "Quilted Northern is designed to work so well, you can forget your bathroom trips. Just like they forgot Conductor Randy, who sees all and forgets nothing."
• Voiceover (Alternate Tag): "At least he's not Constable Bob."
• Entity Focus: The dialogue highlights the concept of existential dread in advertising, using Conductor Randy and the never-seen Constable Bob as figures of forgotten memory.

2. Little Miss Puffytail: The Ceramic Witness

Little Miss Puffytail, a ceramic bunny figurine, became a fan favorite. Her permanent, glazed smile contrasts sharply with the horror of her eternal observations, making her one of the most memorable characters in modern advertising.

Iconic 'Little Miss Puffytail' Dialogue:

• Voiceover: "Quilted Northern is designed to work so well, you can forget your bathroom trips. But Little Miss Puffytail can never forget."
• Entity Focus: This dialogue uses the ceramic figurine as a metaphor for a permanent, static memory of events the user is meant to forget. The contrast between the cute, innocent name and the dark theme is key to the campaign’s topical authority in humorous advertising.

3. Great Grandpa Thaddeus: The Family Heirloom

Another character from the same campaign, Great Grandpa Thaddeus, is a portrait or bust that is sadly relegated to the bathroom, silently judging all who enter.

Iconic 'Great Grandpa Thaddeus' Dialogue:

• Voiceover: "It’s a shame the only time they see Great Grandpa Thaddeus is when they’re thinking about Quilted Northern. But at least they’re thinking about Quilted Northern."
• Entity Focus: Great Grandpa Thaddeus represents the family heirloom that has fallen from grace, emphasizing the brand's goal of making the bathroom experience so forgettable that the user's focus is immediately drawn to the product's quality.

A History of Quilted Northern's Memorable Jingle Entities

Quilted Northern’s use of memorable, often musical, advertising predates the philosophical humor of the *Designed to be Forgotten* campaign. The brand has consistently relied on strong LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing) entities and characters to build its brand recognition, from its early days to the current jingle.

Key Advertising Entities & Campaigns:

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• The Quilted Northern Quilters (1990s): This early campaign featured three animated women, the Quilters, who literally quilted the bath tissue, emphasizing the product’s signature texture and softness. The jingles were more traditional, focusing on the product's physical attributes.
• Voice of Jim Cummings (1996): The brand used the recognizable voice of legendary voice actor Jim Cummings (known for Winnie the Pooh and Tigger) in a 1996 commercial for Quilted Northern Ultra, lending an air of familiarity and quality to the product.
• The "Designed to be Forgotten" Era (2010s): This campaign, created by Droga5, introduced the famous philosophical slogan and the iconic inanimate characters: Conductor Randy, Little Miss Puffytail, Great Grandpa Thaddeus, the Bathroom Birds (who build a nest), and the mysterious Constable Bob. The campaign focused on Quality, Comfort, and Forgetfulness.
• The "Keep It Quilted" Era (2024/2025): The current campaign, from agency Orchard Creative, shifts focus to Musical Parody and Energy. It features the Quilted Queens singing the "We Quilt This City" theme, driving home the message of Superior Comfort and Changing the Game in the toilet paper industry. The use of a well-known song, originally written by Bernie Taupin, ensures instant cultural relevance.

The evolution of Quilted Northern’s advertising demonstrates a clear strategy: whether through a catchy, repurposed rock anthem or a piece of darkly comedic dialogue, the brand ensures its message of superior comfort and quality is delivered in a way that is utterly unforgettable, even if the product itself is *designed to be forgotten*.