Unmasking "Steven": The Real Identity Behind Jennette McCurdy's Most Controversial Memoir Character

Jennette McCurdy's groundbreaking 2022 memoir, I'm Glad My Mom Died, pulled back the curtain on the traumatic realities of her life as a child actress, detailing her abusive relationship with her mother, her struggles with eating disorders, and her journey toward healing. The book is unflinchingly honest, yet McCurdy chose to use pseudonyms for several key figures in her life to protect their privacy, sparking intense curiosity among readers. As of this December 13, 2025 update, one figure continues to dominate online discussions: "Steven," the former boyfriend whose complex relationship with the author is a pivotal—and often uncomfortable—part of her narrative.

The identity of "Steven" has become one of the memoir's biggest mysteries, fueling countless hours of fan speculation and detective work across social media platforms. He is not just a passing mention; Steven is a significant entity in McCurdy's story, representing a critical, albeit toxic, phase of her life following her mother's death. His character serves as a mirror to her own struggles, ultimately becoming an unlikely catalyst for her eventual recovery from bulimia and addiction. The details of their relationship offer a raw look into co-dependency and shared mental health challenges.

Who is "Steven" in Jennette McCurdy's Book? The Character's Profile and Role

In the pages of I'm Glad My Mom Died, "Steven" is introduced as a former boyfriend Jennette McCurdy met after the death of her mother, Debra McCurdy. The relationship is described as deeply co-dependent, where both individuals were struggling with severe mental health issues and self-destructive behaviors.

• The Surprise Vegas Wedding And Shared Grief 5 Shocking Details Of John Schneider And Dee Dee Sorvinos Whirlwind Romance Ohirf

The Complex Character Profile

• Relationship Status: Former Boyfriend.
• Context of Meeting: Met McCurdy after her mother's passing, during a time when she was grappling with anorexia, bulimia, and alcohol abuse.
• The Enabling Dynamic: The core of their relationship was a shared enabling of self-destructive vices, particularly revolving around alcohol.
• Steven's Struggles: McCurdy details Steven's own battle with mental health, which included an eventual diagnosis of schizophrenia, alongside struggles with marijuana addiction.

Steven's importance in the memoir is twofold. On one hand, he represents the toxic patterns McCurdy fell into as she attempted to cope with her trauma. Their shared dysfunction created a sense of twisted comfort and validation. On the other hand, Steven is credited with a moment of profound, albeit accidental, help.

The Unexpected Catalyst for Change

Despite the enabling nature of their bond, "Steven" is the person who first prompted Jennette to seek professional help for her bulimia. This moment of intervention, however complicated by their other issues, marks a turning point in McCurdy’s personal journey toward recovery. The relationship ultimately ended because they recognized they were preventing each other from truly healing and moving forward. McCurdy broke up with him, a necessary step to pursue a healthier path with a new, non-enabling therapist.

The Intense Speculation: Unmasking "Steven's" Real-Life Identity

Because Jennette McCurdy used a pseudonym for "Steven," the hunt for his real identity has been a major focus for readers of the memoir. The speculation centers on two main candidates, both of whom are actors who worked with McCurdy.

• 5 Shocking Facts About Anna Congdon Penn State Sweetheart To Nfl Fiances Social Media Firestorm Cc90e

Candidate 1: Jesse Carere

The strongest and most widely accepted theory among fans points to actor Jesse Carere. Carere co-starred with McCurdy in the Canadian survivalist thriller series, Between, which aired on Netflix and CityTV.

The evidence supporting this speculation is rooted in specific details McCurdy included in the book, which readers meticulously cross-referenced with Carere's known background:

• The Italian Clue: McCurdy mentions that the first time she heard "Steven's" voice, he was speaking Italian on the phone. Jesse Carere has an Italian surname and background, which aligns with this detail.
• The Professional Connection: Their shared time on the set of Between provides a concrete professional connection where a relationship could have developed, matching the timeline of the events described in the memoir.

Candidate 2: Steven Grayhm

Another name frequently brought up in the discussion is Steven Grayhm, an English actor and assistant director. Grayhm also worked on the set of Between, which led to initial confusion and rumors.

• Shania Twains Bold Statement Why The Star Chose Nude Photoshoots At 57 Qf9cg

The primary reason for his inclusion in the speculation is the shared first name, "Steven," which is a unique coincidence given McCurdy's choice of pseudonym. However, several sources and fan discussions suggest that while Grayhm was on the same set, he and McCurdy never actually dated in real life, making the Jesse Carere theory more plausible for the "Steven" character.

The Complex Dynamics of a Co-Dependent Relationship and Mental Health

The chapter dedicated to "Steven" provides a raw and essential look at the difficulties of forming healthy adult relationships after a childhood marked by trauma and abuse. McCurdy's description of their bond highlights critical themes that resonate with many readers who have experienced similar struggles.

The Cycle of Co-Dependency and Addiction

The relationship with "Steven" exemplifies a classic co-dependent dynamic. Both individuals were highly vulnerable, and instead of encouraging healthy coping mechanisms, they enabled each other's destructive behaviors. For McCurdy, this meant her bulimia and alcohol use were not challenged but rather tolerated or even mirrored, which temporarily eased her pain but stalled her recovery.

This period in her life underscores the critical connection between unresolved childhood trauma and the types of relationships one seeks out as an adult. McCurdy's memoir is a powerful testament to the fact that healing often requires breaking away from relationships that, while comforting in their familiarity, ultimately prevent personal growth and sobriety.

Schizophrenia and Mental Health Entity

The book’s mention of "Steven's" eventual diagnosis of schizophrenia further complicates the narrative, introducing a layer of serious mental illness into the already fraught relationship. This detail is crucial for understanding the environment McCurdy was in. It shows a relationship where not only was she dealing with her own eating disorder and addiction, but she was also navigating the complexities of a partner’s severe mental health crisis. The sheer weight of these combined struggles makes her eventual decision to leave a profound act of self-preservation and a commitment to her own healing journey.

Ultimately, the true identity of "Steven"—whether he is Jesse Carere, Steven Grayhm, or someone else entirely—remains officially unconfirmed by Jennette McCurdy, who has consistently honored her decision to use pseudonyms to protect the privacy of those involved. What matters most to the narrative is the character's function: "Steven" represents the painful, yet necessary, stepping stone McCurdy had to climb over to fully embrace her own recovery, a journey that has made I'm Glad My Mom Died a global bestseller and a crucial piece of modern celebrity memoir.