10 Surprising Truths About The 'And They Were Both Bottoms' Meme: The Ultimate Guide To Queer Relationship Dynamics

The phrase "And They Were Both Bottoms" is far more than just a viral meme; it's a cultural shorthand for a common, yet often joked about, dynamic in LGBTQ+ relationships, especially within the gay and queer male communities. As of December 2025, this simple statement continues to be a cornerstone of online humor, fanfiction tropes, and real-world relationship discussions, capturing the comedic challenge that arises when two people who prefer the receptive role ("bottom") in sexual intimacy begin dating. This deep dive explores the meme’s surprisingly wholesome origin, its enduring popularity, and the actual, often intimate, solutions couples find to navigate this dynamic, proving that communication and versatility always triumph over rigid labels. The meme’s enduring relevance stems from its ability to highlight the fluidity and non-traditional nature of queer relationships, contrasting sharply with heteronormative expectations. It serves as a humorous icebreaker and a point of solidarity, acknowledging a shared, specific experience that is unique to the LGBTQ+ dating landscape.

The Anatomy of a Viral Meme: Origin and Cultural Significance

The popularity of the "And They Were Both Bottoms" meme is a fascinating case study in how niche humor can explode into mainstream queer culture. It is a perfect example of a phrase that immediately communicates a complex relationship dynamic with a single, punchy line.

Where Did the 'Both Bottoms' Meme Actually Come From?

The original visual template that gave rise to the meme is attributed to the Yuri (girl's love) manga author Mikawa Miso. The frame, which often depicts two characters looking at each other with a sense of realization or mutual awkwardness, was quickly adopted and adapted by online communities. It was then co-opted and popularized across platforms like Tumblr, Reddit (specifically r/actuallesbians and r/gaymemes), and eventually Know Your Meme, primarily shifting its focus to gay male relationships, though it remains relevant for lesbian and queer female couples as well. The meme’s power lies in the unspoken question: "If both partners prefer to receive, who will give?"

Why the Phrase Resonates So Deeply

The humor comes from the perceived "problem" it presents. In a culture that often simplifies sexual roles into "Top" (the penetrator) and "Bottom" (the penetrated), a relationship of two "Bottoms" seems like a sexual stalemate. * A Challenge to Traditional Roles: It playfully subverts the expectation that a couple must contain one of each role to be sexually functional. * Solidarity and Recognition: For many queer individuals who identify as a Bottom, seeing their dating challenge reflected in a popular meme is a moment of shared, validating laughter. * Fanfiction Trope: The phrase is a massive tag on fanfiction sites like Archive of Our Own (AO3), where authors use it to explore complex character dynamics and non-traditional sexual scripts. The meme has even spawned variations, such as "And They Were Both Tops" and the more balanced "Perfectly Balanced," demonstrating the community's ongoing negotiation with these labels.

Navigating the 'Bottom/Bottom' Dynamic in Real Relationships

While the meme presents the scenario as a funny impasse, the reality of a relationship between two individuals who prefer the receptive role is often a testament to communication, sexual creativity, and the power of the "Versatile" identity.

The Rise of the 'Vers' and 'Switch' Identities

The "And They Were Both Bottoms" scenario often leads couples to explore the vast middle ground of sexual identity: Versatile (Vers) and Switch. * Versatile (Vers): A versatile person enjoys both the Top and Bottom roles and can adapt based on their partner's preference or their mood. In a two-bottom relationship, one or both partners may discover a latent Versatile side. * Switch: A switch is a person who enjoys both giving and receiving pleasure, often in a more dominant/submissive (Dom/Sub) context, but can also refer to trading sexual roles within a single encounter. Many individuals who initially identified as a strict Bottom find that, for a partner they truly connect with, they are willing to explore being a Service Top—someone who tops primarily to give their partner pleasure, rather than for their own primary gratification.

The Intimacy of Non-Penetrative Sex

A crucial and often overlooked truth is that sexual intimacy in queer relationships is not solely defined by penetrative acts. The dynamic of two bottoms often forces a couple to become experts in other forms of intimacy, enriching their sex life in ways a Top/Bottom pairing might overlook. * Mutual Pleasure: The focus shifts entirely to mutual gratification through non-penetrative means, such as oral sex, mutual masturbation, and the use of sex toys. * Emotional Connection: The negotiation required to make a two-bottom relationship work strengthens communication and emotional intimacy, as partners must openly discuss their desires and boundaries. * Creative Solutions: Couples may employ strap-ons (allowing a bottom to top), take turns being the Top (a form of "Versatile Top" dynamic), or simply prioritize cuddling, kissing, and other forms of physical affection. The very nature of the challenge encourages a departure from rigid scripts, allowing the couple to define their own sexual parameters, which is a hallmark of healthy LGBTQ+ relationship dynamics.

Beyond the Labels: Sexual Fluidity and Topical Authority

The "And They Were Both Bottoms" meme ultimately serves as a gateway to a much deeper conversation about sexual identity, fluidity, and the complex ways queer couples structure their lives together. The discussion around Top, Bottom, and Vers is just one facet of broader LGBTQ+ relationship dynamics.

The Broader Context of Queer Relationship Dynamics

Queer couples, unburdened by the traditional roles often imposed on heterosexual relationships, have the freedom to define their own parameters for everything from sex to domestic life. The conversation about sexual roles connects directly to other important concepts: * Power Dynamics: The meme touches on the subtle power dynamics in relationships. A "Power Bottom," for instance, is a bottom who is sexually dominant, challenging the idea that the receptive role is inherently submissive. * Butch/Femme Roles: In lesbian and queer female relationships, the Top/Bottom dynamic can sometimes intersect with, but is not defined by, the Butch/Femme aesthetic, where a "top" might be more dominant or "masc". * Relationship Stages: Like all couples, queer relationships go through developmental stages, such as "Blending," where the intense early connection is formed, regardless of sexual roles.

A Celebration of Communication and Negotiation

The takeaway from the meme, when viewed through a serious lens, is the paramount importance of open communication. The "problem" of two bottoms is only a problem if the couple refuses to negotiate and explore. Effective negotiation in a two-bottom pairing involves: 1. Honest Self-Expression: Clearly stating one's preferences and boundaries without shame. 2. Compromise and Turn-Taking: Agreeing to take turns being the Top or Versatile partner. 3. Prioritizing Intimacy: Recognizing that a fulfilling sex life is built on emotional connection and mutual pleasure, not just a single type of sexual act. In the end, the humor of "And They Were Both Bottoms" is a celebration of the queer community’s ability to find joy, laughter, and deep connection even in the face of non-traditional challenges. It’s a testament to the fact that love and lust will always find a way, even if it requires a little creative switching.